That's intense
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
