Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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