i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
