She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
