You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
