Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
