she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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