just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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