I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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