you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
