I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
