think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
