I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
