you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
