i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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