He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
