'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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