I think my vagina is haunted
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
