your parents love me but you hate me
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
