im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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