I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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