So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Enjoy the penises
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
