from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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