u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
