If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
