i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
