hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
