The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm really busy with my period
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