i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
