What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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