I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
