How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
