See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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