Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
