I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
