she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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