Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
