So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
