thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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