I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
