I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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