I think I died a long time ago.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
