I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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