not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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