Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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