I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
