The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
