He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
