Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
