So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
