exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
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I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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