After last night, I could never be a politician.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
