Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
