3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
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i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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