will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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