I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
