chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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