no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
