it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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