to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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