cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Randomize
