i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
