Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
