can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
meet me or not, i'm out of control
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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